The recent months brought me rich insights and they brought me out of balance.
For the unbalance there are two reasons, I think.
1. One is my health. Although I have been practising more during the last year (between ¾ hours up to 1 ½ hours a day) i felt that my energie was decreasing. Sometimes I got uncertain about the manner I practise. And sometimes I got uncertain about the power of Chi Neng Qigong …
Beside this there were signs from my body that troubled me (thickened glands in my groins; strange feelings in my intestines; lost of weight and fever after physical exertion). You reassured me that there were no serious problems, beside with my heart.
This trouble with my health I experienced as a distraction of the ‘real stuff’ of my personal development. I didn’t want it but I could not prevent it. However, I sometimes also could feel that there was not a threatening problem inside my body and I could feel myself more trustful.
Unbalance is necessary before a rebalance can take place …However, often I thought during module 2: I First have to work more on the foundation of my basic health before I work on more airy items as ‘the mind watching the mind’ .
2. The other reason is something inside what I feel as a transformation from the thinking/ controlling mode into a more intuitive one. For me it’s a positive thing. But it is really hard working for me. It makes me happy and it makes me also anxious and uncertain (the same the problems with my health does … there seems to be a parallel)
Regularly I feel how strong the control through thoughts works within me. When I dare to loosen the control I can feel an extremely increase of release, of perception and of contact with other peoples and contact with the present moment.
I am more conscious about how my reference system makes life narrow. I also feel how difficult it is not to grasp for good feelings …
I think I now shall restart module 1 and then shall do module 2 again.
It’s so rich stuff and I have to go through it again and again.
I am glad that we can put questions to you. The way you explain this difficult matter and the way you buil this up is very very good. It is so clear! Despite that fact I need more time and more openness to be able to understand it on a deeper level.